Attachment and Aversion

Yesterday was a time of learning for me.

On the way to work I took an innocent life.  It was ‘just a rabbit’ true, but an innocent life just the same.

It started out as the usual morning ride… breakfast, coffee, the early morning sounds and smells.  And there in the middle of the road he sat.  As is my usual response to a rabbit in the road, I lightly tapped the horn, knowing from many years of experience that rabbits and squirrels often need a little jolt of fear to get them started moving.  And move he did, but entirely in the wrong direction!  At first he got it right, running for the far side of the road, but at the last minute he changed his mind and ran back, directly beneath my wheels.  There was a sickening ‘thump’ as his little body impacted the underside of the car.

Instantly I was filled with remorse, and anger at myself for not avoiding him by either slowing or dodging.  My stomach muscles began to clench as my thoughts turned toward bitterness.

“Whoa!” I chided myself.  “It was just a rabbit!”

That’s when it hit me.

Worldwide, millions of rabbits are born and die every day!  It wasn’t so much hitting the rabbit that was the source of my mental suffering, as the simple fact I had wanted (and expected) a different outcome. Not only that, but if it had been a snake or a spider, I would have been glad to run it over!

So now, I began to see, I had two different problems that were causing me suffering!  Not only was I attached to a specific outcome, I also was differentiating, whereas I should be applying the same action towards all life.  For a long time now, my views toward taking life have been shaped not only by my spiritual beliefs, but also my philosophical ones, best stated by the following mantra:

• Avoid rather than check
• Check rather than hurt
• Hurt rather than maim
• Maim rather than kill, for;
• All life is precious, and no one has the right to take it away!

Since I believe this very strongly, I had established in my mind a very strong attachment to the specific outcome of not taking life.  Any life!  And while that is a noble goal, it was the attachment to that ideal that was causing my suffering, not the fact I had failed to achieve it.

To look at the situation more realistically, I had no intent of running the rabbit over, and even took steps to ensure that I did not.  So when it ran beneath my wheels, I should have simply accepted it as Karma and moved on.

Attachment is generated as a direct result of ignorance. The word ignorance in this case meaning: “A failure to see reality as it really is.”

Reality is thus: sometimes even with the best of intention, and right action, things do not go the way I would have them to go. With mindfulness of that understanding comes peace and serenity.  What happened was supposed to happen.  The Universe, or Reality, is operating exactly as it always has, and is supposed to operate!

I was the only thing out of kilter!

As a result I have begun to examine my desired outcomes to see how much attachment I have generated.  I have found a great deal.

The antidote?

Meditations on emptiness and impermanence.  On the conditionality of this mundane reality I find myself perceiving at this moment.

This Moment. That’s all there is!